初一语文第二单元 写作指导：立意与选材
上海市民办进华中学 肖洁
一、教学设计思想：
俗话说：“巧妇难为无米之炊”，做饭需要米、面、蔬菜等材料，盖大楼需要建筑材料，写作同样需要写作材料，这原始材料，就是素材。看到《我的故乡》这一作文题，学生可能觉得无从下手，于是教师试图帮助同学找到可以写的材料。也许有些事情以前觉得很平常，现在回想起来却很温馨；也许有的事情以前看似很小，现在想起来却意义深刻。在本次教学设计中，我试着从同学熟悉的事物入手，帮助同学打开思路，深入思考，寻找与故乡有关的素材，丰富学生的写作材料，让他们面对作文题能够找到东西写，并饶有兴趣地写。
“文有主题军有帅”，主题是文章的灵魂，统帅，它也是选材、结构、表达的依据。也就是说，材料的取舍，结构的安排和语言的运用等，都要受主题的制约，都是为主题服务的。本次教学设计中，着重以“围绕中心选材”为重点，以第二单元的阅读教学为切入口，逐步引导学生明确自己对故乡的情感，并通过典型实例，学会围绕主题选取材料。
二、教学目标：
1、回顾自己对故乡的独特记忆，明确表达自己对故乡的感情。
2、选取适当的材料为主题服务。
三、教学重点难点：
难点：在回忆的基础之上，明确表达自己对故乡的感情。
重点：围绕主题选取适当的材料。
四、教学过程：
教学过程 教师活动预设 学生活动预设 设计意图 作文课导入 请同学欣赏歌曲，并思考：这首歌中印象最深的歌词是哪一句？ 交流自己印象最深的一句歌词，并说明为什么印象深刻。 由歌曲欣赏导入，激发学生的学习兴趣和情感，并自然而然地进入本课主要内容。 多媒体出示作文题：《我的故乡》 组织讨论：什么是故乡？ 学生在学习了第二单元课文的基础上，总结归纳自己的认识。 帮助学生在讨论的基础之上，审清作文题意。 指导学生回顾生活经历，寻找素材 请同学以上海为例，说说有关上海的人、事、物、景，尤其提醒他们要将所说的内容与自己的经历联系起来。接着推而广之，请所有同学在纸上用关键词写出与自己故乡有关的人、事、物、景（写得越多越好）。 同学互动，集思广益，找到有关自己故乡的素材。 以同学们熟知的上海为例，帮助他们掌握从情感体验中寻找素材的方法。 指导学生聚焦素材，提炼主题 请同学回顾第二单元几篇课文的主题及作者想要表达的感情，出示多媒体。 同学们回顾第二单元四篇课文的主题。 从读写结合入手，让同学进入对作文主题的思考。 组织讨论：请同学根据所找的作文素材，想一想自己对故乡究竟有着怎样的感情？ 同学们总结归纳出自己对故乡的感情：难忘、怀念、热爱、赞美、骄傲…… 指导学生从感悟中确立作文主题。 指导学生围绕主题选取材料 印发材料，组织讨论：根据老师所给的文章主题，请同学讲讲所给的材料中哪些是切合该主题的。 同学进行小组讨论，学习围绕一定的主题选取相应的材料。 让同学们学习评讲教师印发的作文材料，帮助学生深入探讨如何围绕主题选取材料。 练一练：请同学运用一定的句式，讲讲自己将用什么材料表达对故乡怎样的情感。 同学运用固定格式完成一段话，并进行交流。 指导学生确立自己作文的主题和材料。 教师总结，布置作文练习
初一语文第二单元 作文讲评
上海市民办进华中学 肖洁
一、教学目标：
1、进一步体会如何选取适当的材料为主题服务。
2、通过互相交流、讨论，从同学自己的作品中学习一些好的写作内容与方法。
二、教学过程：
教学过程 教师活动预设 学生活动预设 设计意图 作文课回顾 请同学回顾上一节作文课所讲的主要知识点。 同学回忆，表述：作文 动笔前应先审题；回顾自己的生活经历，寻找素材；聚焦素材，提炼主题；围绕主题选取材料。 帮助同学复习已经学过的知识。 多媒体出示学生作文的主题与相关材料，进行评议。 组织集体讨论：所给材料是否符合同学作文的主题。 同学集思广益，在学习了上节课知识的基础上，进行评议。 帮助学生在讨论的基础之上，进一步明确如何选取适当的材料为主题服务。 分发材料，出示学生作文片段，组织评议。 请同学阅读学生作文片段，分四人小组讨论，并逐段组织评议。 同学互动，从内容与写作手法等方面对所给作文片段进行评议。 抓住一些重点和细节，让同学关注景物描写、细节描写等写作手法。 范文赏析 请同学诵读自己的佳作，组织同学评议。 同学聆听，评议。 让学生从整体上感受一篇好的文章所能带给人的美好享受。 布置练习 请同学根据刚才大家讨论的意见、想法，对自己的作文进行适当地修改。 整理思路，修改作文。 让学生学以致用。
附录一
学生作文中的立意与选材举例
主题一：在故乡并不大的土地上，生活着一群质朴的人，时时感动着我。
材料一：小时候，门前是一条石子路，每天，母亲骑着自行车把我从幼儿园接回家。
材料二：那时，电器简陋，但我并不觉得麻烦。
材料三：回故乡后去买回程票，售票员竟是母亲的中学同学。
材料四：故乡的季所长升了季局长，巧遇到他，热情地请我们到他家做客。
主题二：儿时自己熟悉的故乡已经找不到了，不免感到失落。
材料一：说起芜湖，不得不提采石矶旁的李白墓，据说那里还修了一座博物馆。
材料二：昔日住在爷爷家熟悉的小平房里，常和小朋友在房前屋后玩耍，现在他们都已远走他乡了。
材料三：昔日又窄又脏的小马路，变成了漂亮的柏油路；轮渡换成了美丽的长江大桥；棚户群换成了高楼大厦。
主题三：我热爱我的故乡——武夷山
材料一：曾经住过的小镇依旧没有改变，家门前和爷爷一块儿亲手种下的茶树更加枝繁叶茂。
材料二：爷爷的老战友（老镇长许伯伯）每一次看见我们不远千里地从上海回到故乡，总是第一个登门拜访。
材料三：看见儿时游戏的田野，仿佛有一个辛勤的老人正在那儿劳动，让我又想起了慈祥的爷爷。
主题四：我热爱我的故乡——黑龙江省五常市
材料一：回故乡的火车上，看见大片大片的玉米田和杨树林、桦树林。
材料二：妈妈告诉我，山里有许多美味的野菜和可爱的小动物。我在舅爷家品尝 了美味的玉米。
材料三：当爸爸来电话，告知上海气温高达38度的时候，我正感受五常28度的清凉。
附录二
学生作文中的片段赏析
当我呼吸着溧阳清新的空气，望着那远处被缕缕雾气笼罩的连绵山脉时，心中总是有着一种说不出的亲切感，心头还萦绕着丝丝情意。这清新的空气与令人心醉的美景总是停留在我的脑海里，无法忘记。
——《我的故乡》庄瑜
[简析：情景交融，表达自己对故乡的深深眷恋。]
鲜嫩可口的鸭肉，咸度适中，一咬，甚至能咬出些汁水来，那鲜美的汁从口中渐渐流向喉咙，细腻的肉在嘴中细细咀嚼，简直是世间难觅的美味！
我是一个不怎么恋家的人，可是，我却深深怀念着南京。
——《我的故乡》段文希
[简析：细腻的描写，生动地表现出南京咸水鸭的美味可口，表现自己对故乡物产的喜爱之情。末句模仿《藕与莼菜》的写作手法，表达对故乡的怀念之情。]
说到吃，令我难忘的是“咸亨酒店”。有了鲁迅先生笔下的孔乙己，咸亨酒店的生意自然不在话下。其中以臭豆腐与酒最为出名。俗话说臭豆腐闻着臭吃着香，果然不负其实；而酒呢，也只可等着我长大才可品味。
——《我的故乡》俞谦
[简析：文字中有文化，又不拘泥于文化。从孩子的角度写出了自己对咸亨酒店的认识，读来生动有趣。]
附录三
学生佳作选
我的故乡
刘媛
故乡，可以引导我的心灵，在伸手不见五指的黑暗中寻找光的温暖。
——题记
我坐在公交车里，车窗外，是华灯初上的淮海路，鳞次栉比的高楼大厦，繁华喧闹的马路，衣着光鲜步履匆匆的行人，组成了我的故乡——上海。
异乡人对于上海，大多抱的是不屑的态度。在他们眼中，上海繁华却喧闹，，是一座钢筋水泥森林，生硬、冰冷且不近人情。上海没有太长的历史，同样也没有历史的沉淀。上海人更是瞧不起外地人。
其实不然，他们往往着眼于上海夜的繁华，却忽略了上海晨的温馨。
“李家奶奶，今天是要小笼还是锅贴呀？”
“来两客锅贴，贾师傅”。
这两句平凡的话语，一下子拉开了一天的序幕，让每一个人都带着亲切的微笑投入新的生活。
上海的小吃很多，海纳百川地融合了各地的文化，也拥有了几乎全世界的珍馐佳肴。最具代表性的是南翔小笼包，轻咬一口汁水四溢，甚是美味。而城隍庙的五香豆、梨膏糖，杏花楼的月饼，王家沙的糕点和臭豆腐，更是我童年时如数家珍的东西。
相信许多人都去过上海的石库门。它是一种流行于解放时期的民房，承载了几代人的历史，容下了多少人的童年。一大会址和宋庆龄故居也是采用这种建筑方式。许多人到了石库门，都会有很强的怀旧感和归属感：这块砖似乎是我踢过的，那堵墙似乎是我爬过的。而就是在这痕迹斑斑的墙上，留下了自己一点一点的成长记忆。
如今的上海高楼林立，可这并不能说明那一扇小小的门可以将邻里间的友谊隔断。中秋时，仍可以请邻居来家中品茶赏月；加班时，仍可以请邻居保管钥匙，以便给孩子开门。人与人之间的温暖是足以融化钢筋水泥所带来的冰冷的。
其实，对于上海而言，我也是半个异乡人。可是，十三年的时间已经将我的心与上海连在一起。我熟悉上海，依恋上海。所以，无论未来如何，我都有把握，可以从外表的灯光流转，看出它洗净铅华后的温暖。而那种温暖，是我认定它为心灵归属的原因，同样也是值得我去珍藏一辈子的原因。
[简析：正在从日常的语文学习中学习新的写作手法，如：题记的使用，先抑后扬的作法。本篇文章语言文字优美感人，表达出小作者对上海的依恋之情。]
我的故乡
张悦眉
巷子口叫卖着的栗子，低低的、宽大的屋檐，一串串欢声笑语，一句句家乡方言诵读的童谣，每一次，都把那个记忆深处的遥远故乡，清晰而鲜明地带到面前。
常熟是个很小的城市，若不是最近热播的电视剧《沙家浜》，它的名字对许多人来说都属陌生。的确，当年记忆中的故乡，只容下了一座虞山，从山的这一头到那一头，从最繁华的街区到最近的郊区农村，不过住了一百万人。那里是个安静的地方，没有大城市的喧嚣和繁忙，每一条巷子的生活都是舒缓的。
常熟就这样存在了上千年。它是典型的“江南鱼米之乡”，几千年来养育了不少历史名人。原来住的巷子对面，就是言子墓，状元府，各个名人故居在虞山上星罗棋布。我曾因为这些，把家乡当作自己的骄傲。
而现在，才知道故乡除了是我的骄傲，还给了自己无比温暖的那样一段日子。
小时候每一次跑出去玩，都能轻易地找到回家的路，因为这是我所熟悉的家乡小巷。可是有一次跑远了，忽然发现身边的一切都很陌生，明明知道自己的家就在前方，却怎么也看不见。当时的我突然感觉到以前从未有过的不安，离开了熟悉的家，原来自己是这样的无助。
终于在转过几个弯后看到了自己的家。外公外婆都站在楼下，搓着手，焦急地等着，屋子里面飘来毛蟹的香味。夕阳掠过屋檐，斜斜洒在门前的一小块砖瓦地上，光芒那样柔和……
一股暖意顷刻间涌上心头，我一下子扑到外婆怀里。
那是童年的故乡给我的最温暖的一个瞬间，记忆中这一瞬间的画面，全部都染上金色，似乎任由时间怎样冲刷，这种温度，这种色彩，都永远不会消失。
离开故乡后，才越发觉得对故乡的思念一天比一天真切起来。如今这老房子已被画上一个大大的“拆”字，荷花池已经填平，砖瓦路也浇上了水泥变得平整。然而纵使故乡怎么变化，它仍然还是我童年里那个温暖、安详的小城市，在记忆中长存……
[简析：如一幅清新的油画，将故乡的小镇街景，故乡的历史人文，以及故乡的亲情，动人地带到读者面前。小作者记忆中的那抹金色，也就此留在了读者的心里，让人领略到一份温馨与甜美。]
附言：
作文指导过程中需要进一步思考如何从单元阅读篇目中汲取写作的养分。
指导课中探讨主题与材料是否匹配时，让学生针对一篇完整的文章进行探讨更有利于学生的感悟。
教研室初中语文组
2007/10/23
accountable for the violation, Had a negative impact on society. Corrective measures: (LED Leadership: Luo Mingjun, rectification time: before September 25th, insist for a long time) 1, the initiative to accept social supervision. Give full play to the role of the news media, widely publicized safety production areas to carry out the "four winds" special significance, focus, work measures, dynamic work, the report published telephone. Launched the employees and the whole social supervision and reporting production safety and harm the interests of the masses, the formation of a strong prevention and treatment of the special rectification work atmosphere. 2, enhance political concentration. To strengthen the ideological and political construction, always adhere to the correct political line, politics Governance position, political orientation, political road, continuously enhance political acumen and political discernment, firm road confidence, theory system of self-confidence and self-confidence. To further strengthen the theory of armed Marx doctrine of Chinese consciously use the latest achievements of the armed mind, guide practice and promote the work. With a high degree of political consciousness, the Bureau take the lead in-depth study to implement the spirit of general secretary Xi Jinping's important speech series, and timely to the cadres and workers to study and implement of special supervision and inspection. 3, focus on remediation Yung lazy, scattered. "Cadres and carry out" mediocre, lazy, scattered "special rectification action, strengthen dedication, strong quality", The tree image, team spirit and the socialist core values education, vigorously to create a pioneering spirit, unity and struggle, serious and lively atmosphere. Take a thorough investigation, and severely punish free, absenteeism, tardiness, AWOL behavior, and resolutely put an end to work time on the Internet stocks, playing games, watching entertainment phenomenon. (five) are failing to buck passing the problem of lack of awareness of the overall situation. The individual members of the team too much emphasis on personal interests and the interests of small groups, prior conditions, the first hit "small abacus". The lack of big talk about the principle of small speaking style, have something to say, not behind talking about, no more Tricks of consciousness and self-discipline, relegates, passing each other, not unite to form a good atmosphere, and sometimes even against each other. A few members of the team that is the power sector in the safety supervision department, safety supervision department is working to better cope with personal interests, perfunctory in the daily supervision process, the illegal behavior of enterprise there do not want to offend people speak hard, to relax the stringent requirements of the enterprise. The rectification measures: (LED Le
accountable for the violation, Had a negative impact on society. Corrective measures: (LED Leadership: Luo Mingjun, rectification time: before September 25th, insist for a long time) 1, the initiative to accept social supervision. Give full play to the role of the news media, widely publicized safety production areas to carry out the "four winds" special significance, focus, work measures, dynamic work, the report published telephone. Launched the employees and the whole social supervision and reporting production safety and harm the interests of the masses, the formation of a strong prevention and treatment of the special rectification work atmosphere. 2, enhance political concentration. To strengthen the ideological and political construction, always adhere to the correct political line, politics Governance position, political orientation, political road, continuously enhance political acumen and political discernment, firm road confidence, theory system of self-confidence and self-confidence. To further strengthen the theory of armed Marx doctrine of Chinese consciously use the latest achievements of the armed mind, guide practice and promote the work. With a high degree of political consciousness, the Bureau take the lead in-depth study to implement the spirit of general secretary Xi Jinping's important speech series, and timely to the cadres and workers to study and implement of special supervision and inspection. 3, focus on remediation Yung lazy, scattered. "Cadres and carry out" mediocre, lazy, scattered "special rectification action, strengthen dedication, strong quality", The tree image, team spirit and the socialist core values education, vigorously to create a pioneering spirit, unity and struggle, serious and lively atmosphere. Take a thorough investigation, and severely punish free, absenteeism, tardiness, AWOL behavior, and resolutely put an end to work time on the Internet stocks, playing games, watching entertainment phenomenon. (five) are failing to buck passing the problem of lack of awareness of the overall situation. The individual members of the team too much emphasis on personal interests and the interests of small groups, prior conditions, the first hit "small abacus". The lack of big talk about the principle of small speaking style, have something to say, not behind talking about, no more Tricks of consciousness and self-discipline, relegates, passing each other, not unite to form a good atmosphere, and sometimes even against each other. A few members of the team that is the power sector in the safety supervision department, safety supervision department is working to better cope with personal interests, perfunctory in the daily supervision process, the illegal behavior of enterprise there do not want to offend people speak hard, to relax the stringent requirements of the enterprise. The rectification measures: (LED Le
accountable for the violation, Had a negative impact on society. Corrective measures: (LED Leadership: Luo Mingjun, rectification time: before September 25th, insist for a long time) 1, the initiative to accept social supervision. Give full play to the role of the news media, widely publicized safety production areas to carry out the "four winds" special significance, focus, work measures, dynamic work, the report published telephone. Launched the employees and the whole social supervision and reporting production safety and harm the interests of the masses, the formation of a strong prevention and treatment of the special rectification work atmosphere. 2, enhance political concentration. To strengthen the ideological and political construction, always adhere to the correct political line, politics Governance position, political orientation, political road, continuously enhance political acumen and political discernment, firm road confidence, theory system of self-confidence and self-confidence. To further strengthen the theory of armed Marx doctrine of Chinese consciously use the latest achievements of the armed mind, guide practice and promote the work. With a high degree of political consciousness, the Bureau take the lead in-depth study to implement the spirit of general secretary Xi Jinping's important speech series, and timely to the cadres and workers to study and implement of special supervision and inspection. 3, focus on remediation Yung lazy, scattered. "Cadres and carry out" mediocre, lazy, scattered "special rectification action, strengthen dedication, strong quality", The tree image, team spirit and the socialist core values education, vigorously to create a pioneering spirit, unity and struggle, serious and lively atmosphere. Take a thorough investigation, and severely punish free, absenteeism, tardiness, AWOL behavior, and resolutely put an end to work time on the Internet stocks, playing games, watching entertainment phenomenon. (five) are failing to buck passing the problem of lack of awareness of the overall situation. The individual members of the team too much emphasis on personal interests and the interests of small groups, prior conditions, the first hit "small abacus". The lack of big talk about the principle of small speaking style, have something to say, not behind talking about, no more Tricks of consciousness and self-discipline, relegates, passing each other, not unite to form a good atmosphere, and sometimes even against each other. A few members of the team that is the power sector in the safety supervision department, safety supervision department is working to better cope with personal interests, perfunctory in the daily supervision process, the illegal behavior of enterprise there do not want to offend people speak hard, to relax the stringent requirements of the enterprise. The rectification measures: (LED Le